Our Marriage Story

It's not our anniversary or anything.  We've been reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas for something called "Marriage Academy" at our church.  It's been great to reflect on our history together and how far we've come, baby!

We met in college and, although the exact moment of meeting is disputed between us, we became friends. We hung out with a group of friends just about everyday.  I thought that since we were both PK's (preacher's kids) that we would have a lot in common.  I was wrong.  We argued about theology. We were friends for three years before we ever went on a date.  We dated (off and on) two more years before getting married.  I am so thankful that we did.  It hasn't all been easy, but through it I have been refined, humbled, and still have a long way to go.

I had always wanted to be a missionary.  I was passionate about serving God in some remote jungle.  As great a goal as that was, I made the mistake of letting it become my identity.  I defined myself as a missionary rather than as a follower of Christ.  I thought I was special, somehow different than the average Christian.  I was full of pride.  Steve never wanted to be a missionary.  He and I talked about relief mission work, but he didn't feel the same pull I did for foreign missions.  So, it was an unlikely pairing, the two of us.  If you have ever seen the movie "Up," we totally related to Ellie and Carl's story (except the part about not being able to have kids).  God has used our marriage to humble me.  Humility is good but very hard.  Steve didn't do it directly, but marriage is like looking in the mirror and seeing all your flaws. You're faced with your pride and selfishness everyday.  I had no idea how selfish I was before getting married.  Each successive child magnified the situation 10 times over.  Eventually, I could no longer define myself as a special missionary because I needed Jesus for survival every single day.  Someone had to deal with all my sin.  It was hideous, and marriage was the tool God used to drag it into the light
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I think back to those two young kids that vowed to love each other and I wonder what would have happened it I had gone off to Africa unaware of my need of daily Grace.  I would have hit rock bottom in a hut with 15 adopted kids to care for.  God knew what I needed and I am so thankful that He loved that much to give me Steve.  He cared more about my heart than getting things done for his Kingdom.  He cared about my heart rather than just my service.

We have both grown tremendously since that day. I wouldn't trade that shared history for anything.  We've seen each other struggle and have been there along side each other.  I have witnessed Steve be transformed in front of me and its the best seat in the house.  We're not the same people we were when we were married; God has used our marriage to transform us.  I'm still selfish.  That is a chronic lifelong condition, but quick repentance and daily reliance on God's Grace is the only solution.
I still pray for missions and ask how we can be a part of it, but for us being missional in our daily lives in the Northwest is where we are supposed to be right now.


Foster care is one of the ways we're doing that.  It's amazing to me that Steve led our family into that.  It's weird to think that bringing a fourth child in our home can draw us together, but it did. And not just because I need an extra hand to help me with the workload.   I feel closer to Steve now than ever before and its because of our shared history and the shared desire to glorify God in our marriage and family.  I am grateful for our story and for Steve as my husband.