Thursday, February 28, 2013

Trust and a Court Date

In the movie, Adjustment Bureau from 2011, Matt Damon and Emily Blunt try to thwart "the Bureau", really the agents or angels of God who make adjustments to people's lives to help them to stay on the "the plan".  It turns out to be a thriller in which Damon and Blunt frantically try to take control of their plan despite the controlling efforts of God's agents.  How very different from the biblical picture of our loving Father.

Our foster son has a court date today.  It could be and probably is no big deal.  Most likely it will be just a review of his case that won't change much.  Although I cannot discuss the specifics of his case, I was hopeful the judge would decide to move in the direction of us adopting him.  I was looking forward to going to court with my husband and see how this process unfolds.  Our family has been praying for this day.  Last night, our oldest came down with a stomach bug. A really bad one.  It became clear that one of us was going to have to stay home.

Intellectually I know that my presence will not change the outcome, but I want to be there.  Even if it is nothing, I want to be there while strangers discuss our family's future.  We decided that Steve will represent our family while I struggle with being at home with a very sick kiddo.  I find myself with the same struggle that Matt Damon and Emily Blunt were battling in the movie...trying to control the outcome my life.

Puking was definitely not in the plan for today, God!  I had arranged all the childcare weeks ago (which is a miracle with four kids).  Besides Steve and I were going to experience this together and even get a lunch together.  I don't want to be home doing laundry and cleaning up messes!

Luke 12:22 Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
But He is a good Father.  It's His good pleasure to give me His kingdom.  It is when I make a plan in my own mind that I think is better than His that unfolds that I am forgetting who He is.  When I remember that He is a good Father and I am His daughter then the result in me is trust.  When I hold onto my plan and fight His the result is fear and then anger.  Because no matter how this court date ends up, I know that He is the one in control and his plan is ultimately so much better than mine.
Trusting is so much better.

Friday, February 1, 2013

All in

One of the questions I am asked as a foster mom is if I can hold part of my heart back with the reality that this little guy might be taken out of our home in the future.
NOPE.
I love with my whole heart, knowing that grief is a possibility.  Just like any foster child he is in our family.  He is loved.  He belongs.
I think he would eventually know the difference if I held back.  He has already had too much rejection in his little life.
How?  So many ask "How, can you do that?".  There is only one thing that would make it possible to love without reservation.  It is the One who does the same to me.  The One who adopted me into His family.
Ephesians 1:5-6:
...he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will,  to the praise of his glorious grace...

He is the one who gives this to me because He loved me first.