What Does the Gospel Have to do with everyday struggles?

So, lately it has been a lot.  Little Man has been escalating with his anger responses and screaming most of the time at home.  I am depleted.  Most days I start with prayer and struggle through the day.  Why doesn't God just make it easier?  Does Little Man really have to poop and vomit on top of the screaming?  When I ask these questions and those like them, I am starting from the point that I do not deserve this.  That somehow my life should be better than this. 
It is not the point of the Gospel (good news) in the Bible.  I am a wretched sinner, an enemy of God (Rom. 5:10).  I think the minute I forget that is the minute I am in danger of thinking I deserve better.  I don't deserve better.  In fact I am that screaming hateful angry child to God, my Father, when He has only been loving and gracious to me. 
At Bible Study this week the ladies and I looked at Romans 5:1-5.  It talks about the peace offered to us through Jesus and the grace he offers to us.  So that we can rejoice in our suffering.  That suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.  So there is purpose in this.  There are benefits to suffering.  If fact that is how we gain hope and that satisfaction, real satisfaction in Jesus that cannot be taken away through circumstance.  It is the daily often moment to moment reminding myself of who I am and what it cost Jesus to redeem me, then I can extend grace to this needy child who has been hurt in his short little life. 
2 Corinthians 8:1-2 talks about a church in a "severe test of affliction" their abundance of joy overflowed....  That is not how I feel.  So the Bible indicates that hard stuff will happen and that reliance on God's grace will enable us to overflow with joy.  How do I rely on His grace when it feels like a struggle to survive?  Ephesians 3:14-18 helps with accessing that grace in the midst of hardship:  "For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of Christ."
I want that.  Why do I forget so easily that I have access to such a deep, deep well of grace and love.  I think it starts with remembering that I am a sinner, redeemed with Christ, and sustained by His grace which is more than enough to fill me when I am depleted.
On a funny note, I made up a "I am a sinner" song to help me remember the Gospel when the screaming is endless. 

Happy Screaming Christmas?

The kids awoke early on Christmas morning.  We enjoyed the delicious treat of Grandma's Recipe Cinnamon Rolls,and having been preparing all month with advent we talked about Jesus. Then the kids went for their stockings.  Little Man did not enjoy the cinnamon roll and was immediately upset that his normal routine was disrupted  by not getting to sleep in longer and not getting his normal breakfast.  He did not know what to think of his stocking but enjoyed pulling things out of it.  When we started opening the gifts he was curious and enjoyed a few minutes of it but then got overwhelmed and frustrated.  He began to cry and got angry and started hitting.  We dealt with that anger and got him calmed down.  I was grateful that we got to go and worship with our church family that morning because it broke it up for Little Man who was already having trouble.  Our family enjoyed the worship with Christmas Carols and seeing our church family and when we got home we ate our "snacky" lunch and then had naptime.  After naptime we all rejoined to open presents and Little Man tolerated is for a few minutes again and then had the same reaction of frustration and tears.  We let him open his presents one at a time when he felt ready.  The rest of the day we ate, played, and had fun together, but Little Man could not calm down.  He continued to be upset and scream.  I guess he couldn't handle the change in routine and the confusion of presents.  It made for an unusual day for our family.

Merry Christmas from the Fullers!

A Dr's Visit and Update on Little Man

I took Little Man to the Dr on Monday for a regular check up.  I expressed some concerns with his behavior.  I mentioned that he was drug exposed and the Dr's whole demeanor changed.  She asked me if people in our home had an anger problem, or if my husband and I fight in front of him.  When I shared that he knew some signs to help him communicate, she asked, "Who taught him those?" 
It didn't dawn on my until the next day that although we have been over his history previously, she probably forgot that he was a foster child and thought I had exposed him to drugs pre-natally. 
One of the things they talk about in foster parent training is that you need to be prepared for people to judge you for the biological parents' baggage. 

As far has how Little Man is doing...... it is day to day.  He screams and cries a lot still.  He has been sick a lot.  He is a pretty angry little guy.  He is tantruming and hitting frequently.  He qualified to receive some services in our home to help us respond to his anger in a way that will help him.  Somedays are exhausting.  What truly amazes me is my biological kids' response to him.  They continue to love him throughout.    They continue to pray that we adopt him.  When Steve and aren't sure about doing one more day with screaming they steadily and willingly love him.  It is God's Grace displayed in my kids.  It is amazing as a parent.  One of the things that Steve and I were concerned about with being a foster family was the effect it would have on our biological children.  So far the effect has been tremendous and overwhelmingly a benefit.  It has softened their hearts to orphans and to God.  It has taught them to love hard people.  It has taught them that being a family is people who are committed to love eachother even when it is not easy.  God's work and grace in their hearts is amazing to me.

A Girl's Day

Last Weekend my girls had birthday money burning a whole in their purses, so we took a Girls Day and went to the Spaghetti Factory for lunch (had a free meal coupon for Gracie's birthday) and then to the American Girl store in Seattle. 

Here she is getting sung to, and her American Girl Doll Molly is in the next seat (unpictured).  All the female servers asked her about Molly and shared int he excitement of going to the AG store.

 Here we are in front of the store about to go in with their dolls in hand.

 We felt a special closeness to Kanani after visiting Hawaii this past summer.

We spent two hours int he store during scavenger hunts and looking at all the expensive dolls and many many accessories.  Let's just say that the girls blew their wad of cash, but we had a great time doing it.  I was a little spent after two hours, but we made such a great memory.  I love these girls!  I do not remember ever having a "girl's day" with both my girls, but it won't be our last!

Visits

Visits are just plain hard for foster kids and families.  They are the last right that parents have and are not taken away until the parental rights are severed or relinquished.  It is weird to feel two opposite feelings at the same time.  I feel excitement for the child knowing that no matter what they will always love their bio parents.  I feel good for the parents to finally see their child that they have missed out on seeing.  I feel protective of the child's heart if the parents doesn't show and if they do for how they interact with them.  Sometimes it is disappointing when the visit does go well since that means that we might have to say "good-bye" soon. It can also make me happy for the parents but protective for the child.  It is a dualistic emotional roller-coaster sometimes.  I want the bio parents to succeed and be re-united with their child and I also want them to fail quickly if they are going to fail so that the least amount of pain would be inflicted on the child.  But nobody really know if a parent is going to get their act together.  We just have to wait and see and endure visits.

Fall

Sorry it's been so long.  Hannah had pneumonia, then I got it and then ANOTHER cold.  Our family has been surviving ever since.  "Let me essplain.  No!  There is too much.  Let me sum up...."  (name that movie)  So, here are some pictures of the things we did manage to get out and do.

Here are the kids enjoying the local Cider Mill.  The sun came out and so did we.

 We did get to a pumpkin patch and do a hay maze and climb on this tractor.

 This shot includes their our good friend as well.

 Gracie being brave with feeding the goat.

 Hannah feeding the baby goat. 

 Jack gettn' in there too!

 This is Gracie's Birthday Party.  She had an American Girl Party and she set up a tea especially for her guests.  (Please ignore the homeschool mess in the background) Gracie dressed up like Kirsten (the pioneer doll) and Hannah was felicity (colonial).  It was sweet fun!  They also decorated their own cupcakes and drank camomile tea.

 And their dolls.

 Then the girls had fun solving a Samantha Mystery.  After that they watched Samantha and had popcorn and went to bed.  Easiest party ever!  What a great bunch of girls!

 Here are the kids earning their keep.  Come fall all the Fuller kids have to rake up the leaves.  With two huge Maple tress in our yard, it's gotta be done.  Gracie is showing off her nails b/c I took her to get her first manicure/pedicure.  She loved it.

 Here she is soaking up the attention at Red Robin as the restaurant sings to her.  She voluntarily wore the hat the entire evening.

 We also celebrated our favorite adopted grandma, Dorothy.

 Here's the Halloween costumes! Little Man was Yoda and he actually kept the hat on all night.  What a trooper.  Although he didn't eat any candy, he enjoyed the people that talked to him.

 Here's the crew:  Hannah is peter pan, Jack is Bobafet, Little man is Yoda, and Gracie is Laura Ingalls.  (That is the WORST picture of me, but the best of my kids.  See how much I love them!)

Whew!  Now I can have a few normal posts.  Happy Fall (to my two readers).  :)